What a busy weekend it must have been for folks who need assistance transferring money out of their destitute dictatorial regimes. As I watched my inbox open this morning I was overcome with joy: so many near-famous yet obscure political figures are reaching out to me personally for help! I’m so grateful to everyone, and I promise that I’ll give each of you the full attention you deserve. Hah.
A dozen examples follow for your entertainment, typos and crappy grammar preserved. Snarkiness added.
1
The shouted subject line seems to demand my attention to a prior ignored request. Guess what: you can’t count, this is the twelfth request of yours I’ve ignored.
From: James Patton <jamespatton00jk8@hotmail.co.uk>
Sent: Friday 27 August 2010 20:30
To: jamespatton00000@rediffmail.com
Subject: 2ND NOTICE AGAIN
Greetings,
We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a Heir to the total sum of (Three Million Six Hundred Thousand British Pounds) in the codicil and last testament of our deceased client. Name now withheld since this is our second letter to you.
We are reaching you the second time because her instruction stipulates that this fund should be paid directly to you upon her death.
If you receive this notice, we request you to kindly acknowledge officially to enable us file in all necessary legal documents to the paying bank for the urgent release of your inheritance.
Please call urgently or send an acknowledgement email to enable us process your inheritance.
Yours Truly,
James Patton
2
Hm. So a religious figure is appointed as the head of a group tasked with fighting scam and fraud, yet your methods invoke fraud? Well, you do claim to be a “reverend,” so I guess resorting to scams and frauds is nothing new to you.
From: Rev Fr Anthony Phillips <anthonyp@uno.com>
Sent: Saturday 28 August 2010 14:54
Subject: Payment Approved
WORLD BANK GROUP
From Desk of the Secretary-General
World Bank Group, LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM
PAYMENT APPROVAL FROM WORLD BANK LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM.
I am Rev Fr Anthony Phillips, Bill and Exchange Manager/ Secretary General, Head of the World Bank Finance Group, London Branch, set up to fight against scam and fraudulent activities worldwide.
This Group is responsible for investigating the legitimacy of unpaid contract, inheritance and lotto winning claims by companies and individuals and directs the paying authorities (banks) worldwide to make immediate payment of verified claims to the beneficiaries without further delay. You are being legally contacted regarding the release of your long awaited fund. After a detailed review of your file, the World Bank Group has mandated that your fund should be release immediately.
The sum of $7,000,000.00 USD (Seven Million United States Dollars) has been approved in your favor via my desk. I therefore wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter.
Please re-confirm the following to me:
(1) Name
(2) Phone and Fax
(3) Company Name, and Home Address, Profession
Note that the above fund has been cleared from terrorist or fraud related activities. Thanks for Your Cooperation.
Rev Fr Anthony Phillips
(Secretary-General)
World Bank Group
3
At least you got the telephone country code for Benin right.
From: Mrs. Omor Onye. <omor@w.cn>
Sent: Saturday 28 August 2010 16:01
Subject: CONTACT UNDERSIGN PERSON NOW !!
Hello Dear
I have been waiting for you since to come down here and pick your Bank Draft but did not hear from you since that time ,Then I went and deposited the Draft of $800,000USD with Global Courier Service Company here in Benin Republic,because I traveled to Iraq for health reasons and will not come back till next month end. You have to contact the Global Courier Service Company to know when they will deliver your package.
I have paid for the delivering charges and insurance fee.The only money you have to send to them is there security keeping fee which is $105 to received your package. Don’t be deceived by any body this is there Contact Address:
Contact Dr.Chi August
Director global courier company
E-MAIL:( glabal002010@w.cn )
Phone:+22996342832
Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid increasing the security keeping fee. Reconfirm your delivering address to them to avoid wrong delivering. Let me know as soon as you receive your Draft.
Thanks
Mrs. Omor Onye.
4
Miss Moureen, you forgot to mention exactly what you need me to be reliable about. Are you looking for a discreet liaison? You should know even my best friends don’t think I have “allot” of sincerity.
From: Moureen Ahmed <moureen01ahmed@att.net>
Sent: Sunday 29 August 2010 5:28
Subject: Hello,
Hello,
My name is Moureen Ahmed a young girl from Ivory coast. I got your contact email while making some research for reliable foreigner on the Internet (Remember the distance or colour does not matter but our good heart and sincerity matters allot in life ) i will be waiting to hear from you so that i will tell you more about my self and send my picture to you.I wish you all the best for your day.Always stay blessed from my deepest heart.
Yours respectfully,
Miss Moureen.
5
If you’re now “seeking for refugee” in Dakar, why are you writing someone in America? You can find Senegalese refugees in — surprise — Senegal! Also, if you don’t mind, would you please forward me the web address of the Internet directory you found me in? I’d like to make sure that you also are represented, for some day I may need to inquire a favor of you.
From: Sasua Alessandro <sasua01@operamail.com>
Sent: Sunday 29 August 2010 9:55
To: sasuaalessandro@hotmail.com
Subject: Hello Dear,
Hello Dear,
I know that this proposal might be a surprise to you but do consider it as an emergency. I introducing my self as Ms.Sasua G. Alessandro. 22years of age, from the republic of Sierra-Leone in west Africa,now seeking for refugee in Dakar Senegal under the UN destitute home. I am the only Daughter of late Chief Mrs Gregoire Alessandro. the managing director of Rainbow Gold and Diamond Mine company in (KENEMA) Sierra-Leone. But he was killed along side with my mother during the political civil war and all his properties was totally destroyed. However, after their death I managed to escape with a very important documents DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE of Thirty Six Million Six Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars. ($36.6M) in a finances company which i am the next of kin. I seek a trust worthy foreign person to assist me achieve my late father fund because of my situation here.I got your contact from an online Directory I will be gladly to give you 25% of the total sum for your assistance input. please it is very important you contact me immediately on my private email address: (sasuaalessandro@hotmail.com) for further explanation on how we will proceed. Awaiting your immediate response, Thanks and God bless.
Best Regards
Ms.Sasua G. Alessandro.
(sasuaalessandro@hotmail.com)
6
Hm, another email from a relative of a dead mining executive. What’s going on? I thought only the miners themselves died because of poor working conditions and corruption from the top. One can only hope this is indicative of a trend: maybe the repressed miners are murdering their rapacious dictators!
From: samyang@cantv.net
Sent: Sunday 29 August 2010 10:36
To: samyang@cantv.net
Subject: Re: I need your co-operation !!!
Dear Friend,
It is with heartfelt hope that I write to seek your co-operation and assistance in my client’s desire to invest into Estate properties or any lucrative business in your country or elsewhere.
My name is Mr. Samuel Yang; I work with ICF International, a global professional services firm, partners with government and commercial clients to deliver consulting service.
And my clients are daughter and wife of the late Chairman of TARJAM GOLD AND DIAMOND MINING CO, and wish to seek for your maximum cooperation and assistance in their plans of investing in your country. However, I will be happy to disclose to you the amount to be claimed and invested as soon as I received your reply, as I expect you to be trustworthy and kind enough to respond positively to my Inquiry.
Your’s sincere
Mr.Samuel Yang
7
Melvin, truly it isn’t necessary to shout at me in your emails. Plus, what’s with the square brackets? Haven’t you learned from your compatriots (see above for plenty examples) that monetary amounts should be enclosed in parentheses? Obviously you’re a noob at this stuff.
From: Melvin Bruce <melvinbruce901@gmail.com>
Sent: Sunday 29 August 2010 16:23
Subject: URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL!!!
DEAR FRIEND
URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL.
TRANSFER OF [$13,500.000.00 USD. THIRTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS WE WANT TO TRANSFER TO OVERSEAS [$13,500.000.00] THIRTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS FROM CAPITEC BANK IN SOUTH AFRICA. I WOULD LIKE, IF YOU WILL BE CAPABLE AND FIT TO PROVIDE EITHER AN EXISTING BANK ACCOUNT OR TO SET UP A NEW BANK ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY TO RECEIVE THIS MONEY, EVEN AN EMPTY ACCOUNT CAN SERVE TO RECEIVE THIS MONEY, AS LONG AS YOU WILL REMAIN HONEST TO ME TILL THE END OF THIS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TRANSACTION.
I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN EITHER NOW OR IN FUTURE. I AM MR. MELVIN BRUCE OF ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT OF CAPITEC BANK SA, DURING THE COURSE OF OUR AUDITING I DISCOVERED A FLOATING FUND IN AN ACCOUNT OPENED WITH OUR BANK IN 1999 AND SINCE 2008 NOBODY HAS OPERATED ON THIS ACCOUNT AGAIN, AFTER GOING THROUGH SOME OLD FILES IN THE RECORDS I DISCOVERED THAT THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT DIED WITHOUT AN HEIR HENCE THE MONEY IS FLOATING AND IF I DO NOT REMIT THIS MONEY OUT URGENTLY IT WILL BE FORFEITED FOR NOTHING.
THE OWNER OF THIS ACCOUNT WAS A FOREIGNER,AN INDUSTRIALIST, HE DIED SINCE 2005 AND NO OTHER PERSON KNOWS ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT OR ANYTHING CONCERNING IT, THE ACCOUNT HAS NO BENEFICIARY AND MY INVESTIGATION PROVED TO ME AS WELL THAT THE ACCOUNT OWNER UNTIL HIS DEATH WAS A EXPERTRIATE/CONTRACTOR WITH ESKOM IN SOUTH AFRICA [PTY] SA.
I AM CONTACTING YOU AS A FOREIGNER BECAUSE THIS MONEY CAN ONLY BE APPROVED TO A FOREIGNER WITH A VALID INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR DRIVERS LICENCE AND FOREIGN ACCOUNT BECAUSE THE MONEY IS IN US DOLLARS AND THE FORMER OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT IS A FOREIGNER.I AM REVEALING ALL THIS TO YOU WITH THE BELIEF THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN IN THIS BUSINESS, YOU ARE THE FIRST AND THE ONLY PERSON I AM CONTACTING FOR THE BUSINESS SO PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY FOR ME TO TELL YOU THE NEXT STEP TO TAKE.
YOU SHOULD FORWARD YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS WHICH IS ALSO NEEDED. YOU WILL HAVE TO GIVE ME THE ASSURANCE WHEN WE MEET THAT THIS MONEY WILL BE INTACT PENDING OUR PHYSICAL ARRIVAL IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR SHARING AND DISBURSEMENT OF THE FUND WHICH WILL BE 40% FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE, 55% WILL BE FOR US WHILE 5% WILL BE SET ASIDE TO TAKE CARE OF ALL THE EXPENSES THAT WILL BE INCURED BY BOTH PARTIES DURING THE COURSE OF THE TRANSFER.
I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR EARLIEST RESPONSE, NOTE YOU CAN ALSO CALL ME ON MY PRIVATE NUMBER OR MY E-MAIL ADDRESS BELOW, FOR SECURITY REASONS.
BEST REGARDS
MR. MELVIN BRUCE
Tel:+27-731-562-016
Fax:+27-865-711-287
Email:melvinbruce02@aol.com
8
Curse those poisonous heartless elements! If only they came with, oh, warning labels or something. Then we wouldn’t have to read messages of such inane tragedy.
From: Jenny Marissa <jennym25@yahoo.com>
Sent: Monday 30 August 2010 1:46
Subject: HONEST SOMEONE
HONEST SOMEONE
During the civil and political crisis in our country, my parents together with my three sisters were poisoned by heartless elements. Fortunately for me, I was in school when this tragedy took place to our family. I was in coma for almost two weeks. But I thank the almighty God because I never knew that I could support the shock of losing almost my whole family. That is by the way. Right now I am still here in Cote d’Ivoire with but very unsafe for me. I’m living in great fear and bondage. I intend leaving this country as soon as possible but only one thing kept me back. My late father has deposited with one of the prime bank the sum of money, $5.2Million USD, for onward transfer to any bank abroad .But unfortunately he did not complete the transaction before he died. I have met with the bank director who has certified my claims to the money. I have all the documents concerns this money in the bank; I have mapped out 20% out of the total money for your help and assistance because it looks stupid for me trying to confide in a total stranger I never met before. By instinct I am convinced you are an honest person and you have the capacity to handle this transaction with me. As soon as it is done, I will come over to meet you and spend the rest of my live in your country. I wish to invest the money into estate business etc. I promise to greatly compensate you for any assistance you may offer us. I do not know how you may feel about this but I want you to take this very serious and confidential. Down here, I am living in fear because enemies of my parents are hunting for me. Please let me know your mind concerning my proposal to you.
Miss Jenny
9
Attention Email Sender: I do have a name, you know. If you Google it, I rank pretty highly. Perhaps if you readdressed it to me personally, rather than relying on a bulk remailer that’s apparently constructed entirely of fail, I might consider responding to you. One would think that your offer of half a million bucks should be addressed to a recipient you actually can name. Oh, one question about the third item in your list. By “sex” do you mean gender or amount? And if you mean amount, then where you come from are “age” and “sex” proportional or inversely proportional?
From: Loteria Nacional <info@loterianacional.org>
Sent: Sunday 29 August 2010 16:24
Subject: Your E-Mail Address Has Won 485,910.00 Euros
Attention Email ID User,
We happily announce to you the draw of the Loteria Nacional Special Global 2010 Promotional Draw held in Madrid Spain.Your e-mail address attached to REF No;ESP/62934LN/2010, with Batch No: CH 200 drew the Winning No: 02 10 16 18 27 41, Bonus No: 28 for LN-49 Lotto under the choice of the lottery in the 1st category.
All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draws system and extracted from over 10,000,000 companies and personal e-mails. So your email is your online automatic ticket that qualified you for this draw. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of 485,910 Euros (Four Hundred and Eighty Five Thousand Nine Hundred and Ten Euros)
Therefore, you are required to forward your details to our claims Agent/Finance and Legal office to help facilitate the processing of your fund as stated below:
1. FULL NAMES: ________
2. ADDRESS: __________
3. AGE AND SEX: ________
4. MARITAL STATUS: _____
5. OCCUPATION: ________
6. E-MAIL ADDRESS: ______
7. TELEPHONE NUMBER: ________
Contact Person: Barrister.Luis Capiel.
Tel: +34 672 860 220
E-mail:info.hamiltonabogados@aol.es
Congratulation!!
Sincerely,
Sandra Luque (Mrs.)
10
Hey, are you related to the Moureen Ahmed who wrote me earlier? She’s from the Ivory Coast, too. You chicks have similar names! Perhaps you could get together and talk about whose is spelled correctly. Oh wait, you live in a country where women are prevented from getting a decent education. Maybe one day the entire world will realize this is the goddamn 21st century. You’ve been kept in such ignorance that you believe an Internet email and “praying over my profile” will help you. I’m sorry.
From: maureen jaffar <maureenjaffar1@gmail.com>
Sent: Monday 30 August 2010 4:58
Subject: Hello My Dear,
Hello My Dear,
Permit me to inform you of my desire to go into business relationship with you, after going through your profile and I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to the nature of my proposal, which requires a reputable and trustworthy person. Someone who will be kind and sincere to me. I am writing to seek your partnership in the investment of my inheritance.
I am Ms Maureen Jaffar. From Ivory Coast, I am an orphan and I need your honest assistance to transfer my inheritance (USD$6.700, 000.00) which my late father deposited in a security company. here that he used my name as the only daughter for his next of kin in deposit of the funds. befor his assasination for reason which I will let you know as soon as I hear your quick reply. I am honourable seeking your assistance in the following ways.
(1) To serve as my guardian in your country while I will depend on your expert advise since l am a girl of 20 years.
(2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country in order to further my university education and to secure a residential permit for me in your country. Moreover l am willing to offer you 20% of the total sum as compensation for your assistance in the transfer of this deposit to your country. Furthermore, you can indicate your option towards assisting me as l believed that this project would be concluded within seven days you signify interest to assist me by contacting the security company.
Hoping to hearing from you soon. May God bless you as you extend your helping hand to an orphan.
Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interested in assist me, I wish you a happy day.
Best wishes
Sincerely,
Ms Maureen Jaffar
11
What is up with orphaned Ivory Coasters? Are you even capable of picturing the kinds of numbers you claim to possess? You seem to know the mind of god, and seek a “GOD fearing partner overseas.” Sandra, you’ve written to the wrong man. Perhaps you should investigate your subjects a little more thoroughly.
From: Sandra Omaru <omaru.sandra@hanmail.net>
Sent: Monday 30 August 2010 10:51
To: omaru.sandra@hanmail.net
Subject: From Sandra Omaru
From Sandra Omaru
Abidjan. Cote dIvoire,
West Africa.
Hello dearest,
I deep it a respect and humble submission, I beg to state the following few lines for your kind consideration, I hope you will spare some of your valuable minutes to read the following appeal with sympathetic mind. I must confess that it is with great hopes, joy and enthusiasm that I write you this email which I know and believe by faith that it must surely find you in good condition of health.
My name is Sandra Omaru, I am the only child of my late parents Chief. Mr. Williams Omaru. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast during his days.
It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 12th April 2009. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of mine who travelled with him at that time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6yrs old, and since then my father took me so special.
Before the death of my father on April 2009, he called me and informed me that he has the sum of Five Million, Six Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$5,600,000.00) he deposited in a private Bank here in Abidjan Cote D’Ivoire.. He told me that he deposited the money in my name, and also gave me all the necessary legal documents regarding to this deposit with the Bank,
I am just 22 years old and a university undergraduate and really don’t know what to do. Now I want an honest and GOD fearing partner overseas who I can transfer this money with his assistance and after the transaction I will come and reside permanently in your country till such a time that it will be convenient for me to return back home if I so desire. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast.
The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I also want to invest the fund under your care because I am ignorant of business world.
I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards.Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.
What percentage of the total amount in question will you take after the fund has being transferred to your account and I come over to meet you?
Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Immediately I confirm your willingness, I will send to you my Picture and also inform you more details involved in this matter. Please get back to me through my privait email omarusandra@yahoo.com waiting to read from you.
Kind Regards,
Sandra Omaru.
12
While you got Belgium’s country code correct, you shouldn’t assume that an international dialing sequence universally begins with zero-zero. Another sign that you’re an incompetent beginner: don’t start your emails with “RE:”; I certainly never sent you any original email with your subject line. I must say, though, that I’m intrigued about “the modalities we shall follow to ensure a smooth hitch-free transaction.” Would this include multiple midnight rendezvous underneath foggy nondescript highway overpasses? I do have one request, though: I’d like to bring a hitch. Preferably my favorite one, Christopher Hitchens. Watching him verbally destroy you would be such a gas.
From: conte <conteinvest1@gawab.com>
Sent: Monday 30 August 2010 14:00
To: aws-security@amazon.com
Subject: RE:REQUEST
I am Diallo Conte, Son of Lansana Conte former president of Guinea-Conakry Who die on the December 2008. I am presently on oversea trip in Belgium.
First and foremost, I apologize using this medium to reach you for a transaction/business of this magnitude, but this is due to confidentiality and prompt access reposed on this medium.
Be informed that a member of the Republic of Guinea-Conakry Export Promotion Council who was at the Government delegation to your country during a trade exhibition gave your enviable credentials/particulars to me.
I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the nature of this transaction.
I have huge fund to invest in your country, my father deposited thirty five million six hundred thousand united state Dollar (35.600.000.00) in a financial firm before he die. For your assistant 20 % for you and 10% for miscellaneous expenses we may incur on the cause of this transaction.
On the notice of your willingness to assist me, I will tell you the modalities we shall follow to ensure a smooth hitch-free transaction.
Please send email to me as soon as you receive this message for more briefing, my email address is: ( contelab47@gmail.com ) or call me on this number :0032493833321
I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.
Yours faithfully,
Diallo Conte
That’s all for today. My heart bleeds for these people! Now let me grieve in peace.